I haven't had a chance to write much lately. Life in Minot, ND has been crazy to say the least. Thank you dear friends and family for being there with words of encouragement, love and understanding. One day I 'm sure I will look back at this situation and realize that, I'm still here and I didn't die of the heart break and the worry or stress. Remember... I said one day.. right now.. there are days when I feel like I can surely lay down and just close my eyes and never take another breath. I have heard this from others as well. And before you call the mental hospital to come and get me.. I have not lost it, it's just a normal feeling one gets when one is so over whelmed and not sure of what each new day will bring. Is the day going to be a positive experience or am I going to sit down on the front steps and sob.
The last few days have NOT been positive. As a matter of fact Wednesday and Thursday were so negative, I thought surely, this would be the end of me! Wednesday, is not something that I want to talk about.. this was simply a personal problem with a person that I love more than anything and I was just a little disappointed with something. I will say.. this definitely added to my stress, something I really didn't need at this particular moment. But, I am over it and will go forward.
Thursday, I received a call from SBA, the inspector was in town and wanted to see me immediately to get an inspection on the house. This was at 10:39 am and he wanted to meet at 11 am. I met him at the house and while he was there the Health and City inspectors came by. They were checking all of the basements in the area and the foundations. I knew I had problems in the basement, but the first inspector said it would be fine. It is NOT fine..The inspector told me that my basement is buckling, and cracking.. they were going to red tape it. I knew if they red taped it.. Nobody was gonna be allowed in the house and I still had things to get out.
I talked to them and asked that they give me until that night to finish packing and moving the rest of my belongings. They agreed. I also advised them that I have an appointment with a Contractor /engineer Friday @12:30 and wanted to get a second opinion. ( by the way SO nice that the engineer/contractor NEVER showed up for our appointment). The city didn't red tape it that day. I knew that my house looked bad, but I didn't know that it was THIS bad!! I went back to work very upset. Poor Jarrod , (my boss) has seen me cry so much over this situation. I should just walk a round with a box of tissues. I sat in his office and told him what was going on and he said.. " That's it.. we're getting your stuff out of there today, we're not waiting another minute."
Jarrod and I finished some paper work, changed clothes and took off to the house. We worked hard and got the rest of the furniture out of the house. Not easy, that furniture was a lot heavier than I thought it would be. We got it all loaded and started the drive to the farm in Berthold. Of course, it's North Dakota and you can see a storm coming from ten miles away. We could barely see as we were driving, we ran straight into the storm. I just thought.. PLEASE can't I just get a break here!! How much more can a person take?! Drenched and cold, with the heat running in my car on a July day, I headed back to town after everything was unloaded, thankful for Jarrods help.
Later that night my friend Scott came over and we were able to get the rest of the little stuff packed into my car. Then, bless his heart, Scott started tearing out my 100 year old beveled windows that are so pretty. It may sound weird.. but I loved those windows, I didn't want these windows be destroyed. Scott knew how much they meant to me. After losing so much.. I feel like I had to save SOMETHING!! So.. poor Scott, was knocking out part of the wall on the staircase to get the window out, when a piece of the wall flew up and hit him. He is now sporting a very nice black eye. I tried to get him to wear eye goggles, but it was hot in the house and he was sweating, the eye goggles were fogging up, and then he was hit with this piece of wood. I felt terrible!! But thanks to Scott.. my beautiful windows were saved and for that I am very grateful. He and his beautiful wife Kacie are going to be building a new home soon. I will be there on moving day to help as much as possible!! I can never thank them both enough for all they have done for me!! I am lucky to have such great friends!! By the way, the request for a true southern meal, is coming up for you guys, it will be my pleasure!
I would have to say that I have thought of nothing, other than this damn flood for the last month. It's hard to concentrate at work, at home, and sometimes to even hold a simple conversation with another person, as my mind wanders. Before we have any wise comments.. No I am not THAT old yet! LOL~ However, most of the time I feel like I am in a fog, trying to find my way out and I can never quite get to where I need to go. Life after a disaster is hell on earth, just ask any of the flood victims here in Minot. There are so many things to think about, so many decisions have to be made. You often question your self, "Am I doing the right thing or not." Should I do this or that? How do I do this? Where do I go from here? Most importantly, how is my child going to be able to stand this situation? Remember, Erika is down in the deep south with her dad for the summer. She hasn't seen anything that has happened. I am not looking forward to this day. This is going to be devastating for her, when she sees it for the first time, like it has been for all of us
So back to the question, Where do I go from here? If you know me at all, you know that I HAVE to have a plan. I like to think of myself as being fairly organized. I like to have a schedule, I like to know what I am doing as far in advance as possible. When a disaster hits like this, it's hard to know WHAT you should do, WHERE to go, and WHEN to go. I have a few plans in place. Hopefully , with a little bit of planning, things will work out for me one way or another. Either plan would be great! BUT.. it will be different. It's going to involve a move is all I can tell you at this time, but.. NOT to Mississippi!! I have a few weeks to think about it seriously and by August 15, I should have an answer. This is so VERY scary, yet exciting for me. I am just hoping that I make the RIGHT decision for all of us.
So.. this is my life for NOW!! Not much of a life, but... never the less MY life... it really stinks. But as a dear friend said to me tonight on the phone.. "Maybe this is God's plan for you, reach out and take it, don't turn away, make the best of it because you may never get another chance to do this." I will remember those words, thank you for that!!
I feel so incredibly loved at such an awful time in my life. My family and friends have been there through this entire tragic situation. Some of my dear friends are going through this very same thing. For those of you reading this from the Minot and surrounding area, those that have been affected by this evil, horrible flood, I simply have just this to say, " Stay strong, we'll get through this together." For all my friends around the world, thank you for your words of encouragement when I feel like I can't continue another day. It means everything to me, you will never know JUST how much! This blog isn't over by any means, my therapy continues.. thanks for reading!
As Always~
Trish
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