Well.. it has been a VERY long time since I have updated this blog. Many things have happened, some good, some bad. Where do I start? I guess, I will say that I have had about four or five really good nights sleep since June 22 when all of this flooding began. I am still not sleeping, as I write this it is exactly 2:49 am on September 20, 2011. I probably should have posted before now, but words did not come easy for me at one point. I was beyond doing anything, not coping at work, at home, with friends, with my band. I just shut completely down and for several days I was so sick, I couldn't leave my bed.. I didn't sleep.. but I couldn't get out of bed. Everything was about as bad as it could get. I have never felt so lost, alone, (even though I had/have great support from family and friends). Face it, I was depressed, who wouldn't be after the HELL we had all been through!! I told one of my friends"this is about as low as I can get, unless I can die." I know.. it sounds pathetic.. but this is where I was.. I know.. I probably shouldn't tell everything, there are things that were so bad.. I have only told a select few people, because it's just too painful to discuss. My Dad used to say, "This too shall pass sister." I had to keep telling myself this and I wished every day that my Daddy was still alive so I could sit on his lap and he would make all the bad things go away. But, even if Dad was still living, this was not something he could make go away.
In my last post, I explained about how the city told me they were going to red flag my house and deemed it unsafe to go in to. They never did place that red tape.. which was fine for me.. because my sister Paula came up, ( I wanted her to be able to see this "shell" that I used to call home), after I advised her not to, Paula still wanted to come and support me.. to be here for me. She will never know how grateful I was and how much I truly needed her to be here. While Paula was here, she snapped a picture of me when I didn't know she was taking one.. My neighbor Cindy was also in this picture.. they say a picture can tell a story. When Paula sent this to me.. I would have to agree, the expression on my face and Cindy's face tell it all.. No need for words here. We had the same look on our faces that 12,000 other people in Minot had and still have.
As the days went on, I could feel myself sliding into a complete funk. Trish Pitts is always a happy person, usually a very positive person, a person who sees the cup as half full not half empty. I simply did not see this person any longer. I hated to look in the mirror, all I saw was dark circles under my eyes, lines of worry etched across my face and seeing an older face emerging, it was also lovingly pointed out to me that the stress was making me old. It was true!! I hated what I saw, what I felt like, I was an emotional wreck and I knew I had to do something FAST!! So I picked up the phone and called my sister in Atlanta, my dear friend in Asheville, my sister, my mom and a dear friend in Mississippi, asked what their schedules were and then called Delta Airlines. I was getting out of Minot and for 16 days I left it all behind. I flew to Atlanta first and was able to visit with my sister Lynn and her partner Shari. I love these guys so much and they took care of me and made me laugh and I actually was able to sleep that first night, with a little bit of help from an over the counter sleep aide. After several days I moved on to Asheville. I spent almost a week with my friend of 29 years Melanie. One day after I arrived, we hit the road for a crazy road trip.. we covered six states in a matter of five days. It was unbelievable.. this girl had me laughing so hard and we ate enough chocolate to make me gain ten pounds.. it was THE best trip I have ever taken in my life.. but exhausting at the same time. No time to think. Busy Busy Busy!! Lots of great memories were made that week! Then I moved on to Mississippi. I had some quiet relaxing time with my sister Paula and my mother, A few days later, I was with my best friend of 40 years Deidra. We never stopped laughing, it seemed like all we did again, was eat.. and then the day that we stayed in our P J's until 2pm. We had lunch with our beautiful friend of 40 years, Fawn and the "Fab Three" were together again!! I needed this so much and to be able to sit at the table and catch up with these two wonderful women whom I have known for 40 years was definitely a high light of my trip!! Much too soon, I had to leave to come back "home."
My plane arrived in Minot around 6:45 pm. I promised I would get to the club, help set up and get a sound check for our show on September 9 and 10. After being up for almost 17 hours, I was exhausted and finally ready to drive to Amy's house in Surrey around 10:30 pm. Then reality set back in, as I drove down Burdick Expressway, the flooded houses, the lack of street lights, the zoo with no animals, and of course debris EVERY where!! I cried all the way to Surrey. Knowing that the decision I made right before I left on my trip was the RIGHT decision for me.
The decision that was made is simply this.. it's time to move away. I have to get the hell out of Minot for my own sanity. I was able to get on a waiting list for the apartment that I wanted in Bismarck. The apartment manager called while I was in Philly and said they had a brand new apartment with my name on it. My wonderful friend Susan took care of all of the details for me and a deposit was made a day or so later. I completely trusted her to make the right decision for me and she really did a great job!! Very excited to be able to live here. I think it's beautiful and will make a great home for me and Erika when she gets back from Utah.
I have made an announcement that I would be quitting my band (this was a huge and painful decision for me) as I feel that our band has never been better. But I guess it's better to go out while your on top.. and I definitely feel like DREAMER is as close to the top as ever right now.. I have had this band for 19 years. I will miss it, I will miss my guys desperately.. a few of the guys are like brothers to me!! Our last show will be November 4 and 5. This weekend will be very difficult for all of us! BUT.. I know in my heart it's time to start something new. I am NOT done.. I am hoping to be able to put a band together and get on the road a little bit!! Playing music/ singing is my life.. without it, there's no way I could EVER be happy!! So, I am gonna jump on this right away. You haven't heard the last from me.. not yet any how!!
I haven't found a job yet in Bismarck, to be blunt, after not having a home for so long.. finding a place was my first priority. Don't ever take your home for granted, I never knew how much I really liked being home, having a place to come home to every night. Until you don't have it, you don't really realize how important it is. So, that was the first thing I had to do.. for me and for Erika! I can find a job there.. I am not worried, Bismarck is a wonderful city and I think we'll be very happy there.
SO... to recap.. it was a terrible thing to go through, I would never want anyone else to go through the hell that I , along with 11,999 other people have gone through. But.. I didn't die, when I thought I most certainly would from stress. My life will go on in Bismarck, North Dakota. What will life bring me? I am not really sure, but I am excited to see what lies ahead for me and for my beautiful daughter Erika, because, if we can get through this.. we can endure anything!!
In closing, I stated that I would end this blog when the flood was over. The flood IS over for me.. pretty much.. of course, there are loose ends that need to be tied up, but hey.. I am not gonna stress over it! It is what it is!! I am not a flood victim any longer.. I am a flood SURVIVOR and damn proud of it!!
To ALL of the people that have sent me cards, texts, messages on Face Book, gifts, hugs, kisses, who have called me at 3:00 am when they saw me on Face book, whom I have called at 3:00 am when I couldn't sleep and could only cry. THANK YOU!! There are too many folks to mention and I don't want to forget anyone!! YOU know who you are!! I love you all so much!!
Thank you for taking the time to read this FINAL blog! My life is now starting over.. a NEW life.. scary but exciting at the same time. If you're ever in Bismarck, ND look me up!! I'm not going any where!!
As Always ~
Trish
